Permission to Mourn

We’re speaking on a heavier topic this week and next: grief.

Have you ever felt like you shouldn't be grieving? Like if you were really trusting God, you'd be more joyful, or more at peace? Or maybe like grief is a sign something's wrong with your faith?

There's this assumption, back in Jesus’s day and now, that if things are going badly for you, you must not be blessed. And if you were really blessed, really walking with God, things would be going well.

Jesus dealt with various assumptions in His sermon on the mount, and this was one of them. In his second beatitude, he says something that flips this assumption upside down.

Matthew 5:4 (NIV)

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Let me just say: this doesn't mean you have to mourn in order to be blessed by God. It's more like, when you find yourself mourning you will be blessed. Why? Not because you're mourning but because you will be comforted. And who will you be comforted by? The King of the Kingdom, God himself.

Mourning isn’t a lack of faith

Maybe you find yourself in an obvious moment of mourning today. Maybe you’re grieving a loss of a family member or friend, or maybe you’ve had news that’s thrown you. If you’re in an obvious moment of mourning, I’m sorry that you find yourself there today.

Maybe, though, you’re mourning for a less obvious reason. Grieving that as you’re entering a new year, things aren’t what you expected, things still haven’t changed, things aren’t what they could or should be. I’m sorry that you find yourself there today too. Just because your grief isn’t obvious, it doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.The loss of dreams, the loss of how you really wish the world would be, feeling stuck and like life isn’t what you thought it would be by now, is hard.

Have you ever noticed that when something bad happens, we often ask why? Why did that happen, why me, why them?

But we never ask why when something good happens, do we? We expect good. We were made for good. 

We don’t ask why because we believe good is how the world should be. And as such evil is an affront to us. We were made for good.

But the world isn’t good. Not yet anyway. It will be perfect one day, when Jesus returns and sets all things right. But for now, our reality is one of brokenness. There are good things that happen, yes. But unfortunately, bad things happen too.

And so, acknowledging that bad things happen, and we’ll all grieve at some point, whether right now or not, what are we supposed to do?

Can we grieve? Should we grieve? Does grieving show we have a lack of faith? Or a lack of joy in the Lord? Aren’t we meant to be happy and joy-filled people if we know Jesus?

Knowing Jesus doesn’t make us immune to grief. 

It doesn’t protect us from situations that are grief-inducing. Bad things still happen to those who follow Jesus.

It doesn’t stop us from feeling grief. Following Jesus doesn’t turn off our emotions, or automatically replace all bad emotions with good ones. 

Grief is the right and Godly response to the brokenness of the world. 

Some commentaries on this verse suggest Jesus is talking about grief in response to sin, in response to the wrongs of the world, and how we aren’t how we should be. 

But in reality, all grief is a response to the wrongs of the world. Every single thing that would cause you to grieve is due to the brokenness of the world. 

If we lived in a perfect world, which one day we will, there would be no grief, no tears, no death, no disappointment. That is the promise to come. 

So how do we respond to brokenness? Both the brokenness in us and the brokenness in the world? We grieve.

It isn’t a sign of a lack of faith, it’s a sign that we were made for something good, and this isn’t yet it.

Jesus wept

If you need further evidence that grief is a Godly response, we can look at the life of Jesus.

John’s account of his life tells us about Lazarus.

Lazarus was friends with Jesus, as were his sisters Mary and Martha, who we know from elsewhere in the Bible. 

Lazarus became unwell and the sisters sent for Jesus saying Lord the one you love is sick. 

Which is telling in itself, see what moves Jesus? His love for Lazarus. Not Jesus, the one who loves you is sick, but Jesus the one you love is sick. Jesus’ love for us moves him. 

Jesus takes his time getting to Lazarus, much to Mary and Martha’s dismay, as during that time Lazarus dies. By the time Jesus gets there, Lazarus has already been buried in the tomb for four days.

Mary and Martha are grieving and Martha goes out to Jesus and confronts him, saying “Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

Martha goes to fetch Mary and she comes out to meet Jesus and again she falls at his feet, saying “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

And let’s read what it says,

John 11:33-36 (NIV)

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

Jesus wept.

Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

Jesus’s love led him to grief.

The story doesn’t end there though. Right at the very start, Jesus told us what would happen, I just didn’t tell you -

John 11:33-36 (NIV)

This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.

And we see that that really was the case.

John 11:38-44 (NIV)

Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odour, for he has been there four days.”

Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

Jesus knew this story would not end in death, yet he still cried.

Grief is not a sign of poor faith, it’s a sign that the world isn’t as it should be. 

And knowing that the world will change is helpful, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t grieve. 

Yes everything will turn out perfect one day. But at the moment that isn’t the case, and so we grieve.

Just look at Jesus, we know healing will come eventually but He knew healing was imminent. Yet He was still moved to tears. We know healing is coming, that doesn’t mean we don’t grieve over the brokenness we experience now.

I’m not trying to bring you down here, I’m just giving you permission to acknowledge what’s true - that grief is real, and God meets us in it.

You can avoid it and deal with the negative effects of that, or you can acknowledge your grief and be…blessed.

Why? Because “blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Next week, we'll talk about where that comfort actually comes from. But for today, just know this: your grief is valid. It's not a sign of weak faith. It's a sign you were made for something better. And so far know we grieve, but God will meet you there.

Question

Is there an area of your life that you haven’t acknowledged your grief in?

Prayer

Lord we thank you that you aren’t unaware of our suffering, that as Isaiah tells us you are a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. So in these areas where we find ourselves mourning, would we also find you there, unintimidated by our sorrows, ready to comfort us. In your precious name Jesus amen.