5 Steps to Set Goals That Actually Stick

It's early January and I wouldn’t be surprised if half of us have already given up on our New Year's resolutions. The other half of you are avoiding them or trying your very best to make this year the one where you finally do the thing you want to do.

I hate to break it to you, but if you approach your resolutions or goals in a traditional sense—set them then try your hardest to stick with them—then this probably won’t be your year. But here’s what you could do instead - 5 steps to think through your goal and make it as likely as possible that you’ll stick with it.

But first - if you've already broken your resolution, that’s okay, you're not behind. January is just another month. It's not magic. I didn't start my year on the 1st either - I'm still easing in. And I’ll probably only be sure of my plan in February after I’ve thought through and trialled a few things in January. So if you've already messed up, it’s okay. It’s good actually. Now you can set off in a way that actually works.

As you may know by now, I love productivity and habits and to some extent goals. But the way I used to approach New Year's resolutions set me up to fail. I had the same resolution - to start going to the gym - for about five years in a row, and never got there. 

So here are five things I wish more people knew before they committed to getting up at 5am or reading the Bible in a year.

1. Start With Who, Not What

Most resolutions or New Years goals start with "I want to..." - I want to get fit, lose weight, learn something new, read more, pray more, earn more, be better with money.

And that's not a bad thing, but by starting there you’ll miss a key question: who are you becoming in the process?

If we skip this part then we might get to our goal but not be satisfied with it. You might lose weight but in the meantime become obsessed with food and counting calories. Or pray everyday but it might feel like a tickbox exercise. Or read 50 books but get to the end of the year and wonder why you bothered. We won’t miss out the 'what' because that’s what gets you there but ‘there’ is best defined as who you’re becoming, not what you can say you’ve achieved. That way your goals are more likely to lead to transformation. 

So before you set a single goal, go to God. Read the Gospels. Look at the life of Jesus. Hold up your character to His and see where the biggest difference is. Maybe it's in discipline. Maybe it's his focus. Maybe it's the strength of purpose he had, or the way he made time for people even when he was tired. Wherever the gap is, start there.

If it's discipline, then getting fit can tie in - but this time the focus is becoming a disciplined person, and the health improvements are the byproduct. If it's generosity, then a financial goal can support it - but you're becoming generous, and the money is just the tool. 

Looking at a goal this way brings more important things into play. The goal isn't abs or a promotion, it's character, who you’re becoming, which will still matter in ten years’ time.

2. Make Sure It’s An Input, Not An Outcome

Once you know who you're becoming, you need to work out what action will get you there. But most goals we set are outcome-based. Things we hope will happen but can’t directly control.

For example, "I want to do a full pull-up by the end of the year." That's one of mine, by the way. I've been working on it for about eight months and I'm getting closer, but still a way off.

If I leave that as my goal, it gives me almost nothing to work with. I’ll just keep trying pull-ups and failing until maybe one day I don't. That's demotivating.

So instead, I set my goal as "work on my pull-ups three times a week." One session is eccentric pull-ups - that's where you jump up and lower yourself down slowly. One session is assisted pull-ups on a machine or with a band. One session is dead hangs with scapula pulls.

This makes the big goal of a pull-up inevitable, but it also means I get to celebrate progress three times a week instead of feeling like a failure until I've actually done it.

What could that look like for you?

Not "get closer to God" but "pray on the way to work." Not "know the Bible better" but "read my Bible before bed." Not "be better with money" but "check my spending every Friday." Not "grow my business" but "post on social media three times a week." Not "be a better friend" but "text two people every Sunday to check in."

Getting closer to God isn't measurable. Praying on the way to work is. Growing your business isn't trackable over the short term. Posting three times a week is. Being a better friend is vague. Texting two people every Sunday is concrete.

And if you do that consistently, the outcome you're looking for becomes inevitable.

3. Make It Realistic For Your Actual Life

Right, so you've got your who goal - the outcome you're aiming for. And you've got your input - the action that will get you there. Now you need to make sure it actually fits your life.

Because in your head, when you're planning, everything is perfect. You wake up at 5am feeling refreshed. You have a three-hour morning routine involving prayer, Bible reading, journaling, and the gym. You meal prep on Sundays. You never get tired or ill or have a rubbish day. Your side hustle takes off immediately and you still have energy for your actual job.

Your plans haven't met real life yet.

And they never will in that form, because that version of your life doesn't exist. Your plans will never survive contact with real life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't make them - it just means they need to be flexible and make sense for your current lifestyle.

If you've got kids to get to school, that three-hour morning routine isn't happening this year. If you're working full time, that side business might need to be two focused hours on a Saturday, not every evening. The Bible reading might need to be the audio version during your commute. The daily gym might become two evening classes a week. That's fine.

Build in adaptability from the start. Ask yourself: what can I stick to on my worst day? That's your real baseline, not the Instagram-worthy version in your head.

There are two ways to build in adaptability to your goals, depending on your personality.

Option one: adapt specifically. "I'm going to the gym for an hour", which let's face it if you’re starting from zero is highly unlikely, becomes "I'm going to the gym for at least twenty minutes." "I'm going to work on my business for three hours" becomes "I'm going to work on my business for at least thirty minutes." Tone your original idea down a bit. It doesn’t mean you’re scrapping your aim, or lowering the bar, you're just adapting it to make it more realistic. And if on some days you want to do more, then that’s a bonus.

Option two: adapt by intention. Instead of being specific about what success looks like, be more general. So “I’m going to the gym for an hour every day”, becomes "I'm going to move and work up a sweat each morning." That could mean a ten-minute HIIT workout, a full gym session, or a brisk walk round the park. Either way you’ve fulfilled the intention.  Or for work: "I'm going to make progress on my project." That could mean writing for two hours, or just outlining ideas for ten minutes on your phone. The intention stays the same, the execution flexes with your day.

Either way works. The point is you've built flexibility in from the start, so when life happens - and it will - you don't throw the whole thing out.

4. Start Small So You Don’t Get Locked In

Okay, you've got a realistic input that fits your life. Now here's the bit most people get wrong - they invest too big, too soon.

And I don't just mean the action itself needs to be small - though it does. I mean don't lock yourself into something expensive or complicated before you've proven you'll actually do it.

There’s no point in dropping £500 on a gym membership or buying a Peloton before you've proven you'll actually use it. Or signing up for an expensive course before you've tested if you even like the topic. If you invest too big too early, you’ll feel obligated to keep going even if you don’t like it or it’s actually not right for you, because you've already spent the money. And that won’t be sustainable.

So start small. Get a cheap class pass. Buy a floor mat and some resistance bands. Take a free trial of the course. Film videos on your phone before you buy a fancy setup. Prove to yourself that you'll actually do it before you invest big.

Start small, see if it sticks, then scale up if it does. That way you won't get locked into something that isn't right for you.

5. Make Space By Stopping Something

And here's the final piece - you can't just add new things without stopping old ones.

When organisations create new strategies, they usually pile on the new without stopping the old. And then three years later, they're running five overlapping strategies and wondering why nothing's working.

Don't do this with your life.

You’re adding something new this year, so what will you get rid of? And not just to make space, but to stay sane.

I've got a 1,445-day Duolingo streak. I've been tending that thing for over three years. But over the last six months, I've realised I don't actually enjoy it anymore. It's like a burden that comes round every single day. And honestly, I'm not even learning that much.

So it's going.

What's currently in your week or month that isn't serving you well at this point in life? Maybe it's a goal hangover from years ago and it needs to stop. Maybe it's a commitment you said yes to when you had more time. Maybe it's a subscription service you never use but keep paying for out of guilt thinking one day you will. 

Or maybe, and this is often the hardest thing to let go of, it’s something that’s become linked to your identity and you’re now known as the person who…whatever it is, always says yes to a social for instance…but actually at the minute you’re squeezed for time and just need to focus on a few close relationships. Don't let pride or fear of other people’s opinions stop you from changing it. Reevaluate. Make space for what actually matters now.

Putting It All Together

Right, let me show you how this works when you put it all together. Say you want to get closer to God this year.

Step 1 - Who: I'm becoming someone who seeks God first, not someone who just fits Him in when convenient. That's my outcome.

Step 2 - Input: So what's an action I can control that will get me there? Not "get closer to God" - that's the outcome. But "pray every day" - that's an input I can control.

Step 3 - Reality: Does that work for my actual life? Yes but it isn’t specific enough to be helpful. I work from home but let’s pretend I drive to work. That’s helpful to pay attention to. So my realistic goal changes from pray every day to pray on my commute. That fits my day.

Step 4 - Small: Can I do this on my worst day? A 30-minute prayer time? Probably not, so I don’t set that as my expectation. But a few minutes in the car? That’s doable. And I'm not buying a £50 devotional plan to start, I’m not going to read about how to pray, that’s another trap I can fall into, I’m just going to start doing it.

Step 5 - Space: What needs to stop to make room? Well maybe I listen to the radio or a podcast each morning. Or maybe I usually scroll first thing and it affects my mood because I get caught in a comparison trap or overwhelmed by the morning news. Whatever it is, I’ll pay attention to it, and intentionally switch things up, making room to pray and protecting my mindset so it makes it even more likely.

Hopefully you can see how each step builds on the last. You start with who you're becoming. Then you find the action that gets you there. Then you make it fit your life. Then you make it small enough to start. Then you clear space for it.

That’s It

So there you go. Five things that might actually make your resolutions stick this year.

And remember - January is just a month. If you're starting now, whenever it is, maybe you’re listening to this in March, you're not late. Just start.

That's it for this week. If you enjoyed this episode, you’ll find my free course The Best You Yet super helpful. It’s everything you need to create the right habits and make sure they stick. You can find it at simplediscipleship.co